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"The Grant Allocation Derivation" is the seventh episode of the twelfth season of the American sitcom The Big Bang Theory. The episode aired on Thursday, November 1, 2018.


Leonard is caught between a rock and a hard place when he's responsible for distributing extra grant money. Bernadette turns the backyard playhouse into a hideaway from her husband and kids.[1]

Extended Plot[]

The gang is working in Howard and Bernadette’s backyard assembling their kid's new playhouse that includes electricity and running water. Sheldon keeps talking about an Amish barn raising, while not actually working on the building. Bernie comes out in her pajamas and asks Howard to take the kids so that she can get some work done. She is very overworked with two kids.

President Siebert is meeting with Leonard. He needs someone to distribute some extra grant funds. He wants Leonard to decide who gets the funds and wants to hear nothing about the outcome.


You're my guy.

At lunch, Howard thanks his work crew. Sheldon is hoarse from distributing all his knowledge/trivia. Leonard tells them his news from Siebert and his friends are now expecting a lot of people lining up to grobble before him. Next Kripke comes up, fawns over him and then tries to bribe Leonard.

Bernadette comes up to her front porch and hears the kids giving Howard a hard time. She runs back to the playhouse and calls him that she is going to be stuck at work. Afterwards she admits that Howard deserves better though she snuggles down in her comfortable chair.

In apartment 4A, Leonard is turning down funding requests from everyone. Penny is impressed on how decisive Leonard was being. Sheldon comes in hoping to get a frozen yogurt machine in the cafeteria. No. Denied!

Penny is visiting with Bernadette telling her about Leonard's taking charge and how sexy that was. Bernadette is distracted because she told Howard a little white lie about working late and she hung out in the playhouse. Penny thinks that it's more sad and strange than awful. Bernie just feels the extra hour of not having to deal with the kids makes her feel human again.

Back at the cafeteria, Dr. Lee, a biologist, asks about her grant application on the intelligence of crows. She wants to upgrade her bird cages because she thinks that they are planning something since she found out that crows can hold a grudge. Three projects are on Leonard's short list. The crow research, Raj’s telescope software upgrade and Kripike’s project. Howard’s request was denied since he just sent him a clip that said “Jerry McGuire|Show me the money!!” They are all pressuring him to decide and he walks off not even knowing when he'll decide or where he was going.

Leonard is going over this three proposals and Penny comes in looking turned on. Leonard complains that he can't decide on the three proposals that all have merit even though used several decision models and another system to score his various scoring systems. Penny is confused so she joins Bernadette to share some wine in the playhouse.

Leonard goes back to the President to get more money to fund all three worthwhile projects. Siebert denies Leonard's request. Leonard wants to know what the President would do. He claims that he would put some other sap in charge so that he wouldn't have to be the bad guy. Leonard then gets that that is what Siebert had him.


The crows are plotting against me.

Amy catches Penny sneaking out of her apartment and asks what she and Bernadette have been doing together without her. She doesn't believe Penny's excuses and then finds out the truth. She thinks that it's like a secret club. Penny tries to tell Amy that it's just a place where they get together and don't tell anyone about it. Like a secret club. Amy then gets invited.

Sheldon and Leonard are playing 3-D chess while Sheldon describes how Leonard is going to lose. Leonard is distracted about who should get the funding and asks Sheldon to help since he doesn't care if he upsets people. Sheldon doesn't want to help Leonard since it could be a learning experience for him.

Now the entire posse is in the playhouse. Penny said that she was at yoga. Sheldon doesn't even think about Amy when she is gone, but is so happy when she finally shows up. Bernie is making in the quesadilla in the Easy-Bake Oven. Howard and Raj come out on the deck to use the hot tub. He already knows that his wife has been hiding in the playhouse. They hear a pop (Wine cork) so he figures that Penny must also there.


The wives hiding.

Raj comes into the cafeteria asking why his project wasn't funded. None of the top three were funded because a last minute proposal came in for a European-doped laser. Leonard bought it for himself since he was sure that everyone would be mad at him no wonder what he did. So he did it and got a laser.

While Leonard is explaining his new laser to Sheldon, he finds his car covered with intelligent crows that might be holding a grudge. They quickly leave.



  • Title Reference: The title refers to funding that President Siebert wants Leonard to disperse.
  • Taping date: October 16, 2018 12.64 million people with a rating of 2.1 (adults 18–49).
  • Total viewers including DVR users 17.08 million.
  • This episode aired in Canada on November 1, 2018.
  • Chuck Lorre's vanity card. [1]


  • Caroline Preece at Den of Geek! - A few weeks after Penny revealed her lack of desire to have children and everyone reacted very poorly, she gets her chance to tell a judgmental Bernadette ‘I told you so’ and doesn't take it! Opportunity comes when, completely overwhelmed by her challenging work and home lives, Bernadette takes to hiding in the kids’ playhouse every evening. After telling Howard that she has to work late, it's the quiet solo time she's been craving and, as soon as she confides in Penny, they decide to make it a group activity away from their husbands. Of course, they're not the only married ladies in town anymore, and Amy soon catches wind of the ‘secret club’ they've established without telling her...Leonard gets his own storyline this week for a change, and its more or less a solo one. Given the responsibility of assigning grant money to one project at the university, he discovers that sometimes power can just make you feel even more powerless. [2]
  • IMDb user reviews [3]


  • Bernadette is using her kids' playhouse as her own private sanctuary in her own backyard. The rest of the posse joins her.
  • Leonard is now in charge of giving out some extra grant money at Caltech and every person is sucking up to Leonard to get their project funded.
  • Leonard is used by President Siebert.


Sheldon: This reminds me of a traditional Amish barn raising. With everyone pitching in.
Howard: How exactly are you pitching in?
Sheldon: I don't hear anyone else giving facts about traditional Amish barn raising.
Leonard: The rest of us are pitching in with hammers and nails.
Sheldon: Well, facts are my nails, and my voice is the hammer which pounds them through the wood of your skull.
Penny: Well, that is how it feels.

Leonard: Okay, what would you do?
President Siebert: I'd find some sap and put him in charge so I wouldn't have to be the bad guy.
Leonard: That's a really good id-- Oh.

Amy: Whatcha doin'?
Penny: You scared me.
Amy: I'll ask again. What-cha doin'?
Penny: Nothing.
Amy: Really? You and Bernadette aren't doing stuff without me?

Leonard: Uh, so, after I decide, do I then submit it to you for approval, or?
President Siebert: No. You decide, you approve, and then you pride yourself on a job well done.
Leonard: That's a lot of responsibility.
President Siebert: Well, if I didn't think you were up to the task, you wouldn't have been fifth on my list.

Barry Kripke: Weonad, I know you and I have a oh, twoubwed histowy, but I hope that when I make my wequest you'w give me a faiw shot.
Leonard: Of course.
Barry Kripke: See? That's what I wike about this guy: integwity. Bwing it in! [whispering] I just put something in youw pocket. It's good at aw Ew Pollo Wocos.

Bernadette: It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat.
Penny: That'd be a good slogan for a condom company.

Doctor Lee: Oh, Dr. Hofstadter, did you have a chance to look over my proposal?
Leonard: I did, and your research is fascinating. I had no idea that crows were that smart. Do they really hold grudges?
Doctor Lee: They do. One of them escaped from my behavioral study a year ago. I can't prove it's him, but something craps on my car every day.

Leonard: Wait, you can make this decision. You don't care if you upset people. You can pick for me.
Sheldon: I certainly could.
Leonard: Oh, great.
Sheldon: But I won't. I think this is a learning opportunity for you.
Leonard: Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Ask me how I feel about that.

Raj: Hey, don't freak out, but I think there's someone in your playhouse.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, that's just Bernadette. She's been hiding out in there all week.
Raj: Really? Why?
Howard: I don't know. She's been a little overwhelmed at work. And, frankly, me and the kids are a lot. She just needs some downtime.
Raj: And you just pretend like you don't know?
Howard: Sure. That's how marriage works. Three years ago, I told her I got life insurance, and I totally didn't. Someday, she's gonna find out. I'm gonna say, "Ha-ha! I know you've been hiding in the playhouse."

Leonard: The europium laser is so cool. It has a four-level f-f transition which provides for high power output, and its quantum efficiency is off the charts.
Sheldon: What are you going to use it for?
Leonard: I have no idea.
Sheldon: Leonard, there's a crow on your roof.
Leonard: I see it.
Sheldon: Is that one of Dr. Lee's crows?
Leonard: It has a tag on its leg.
Sheldon: Don't make any sudden moves.
Leonard: Smart. Let's stand perfectly still and-
Sheldon: He's the one you want!

Bernadette: I've been telling Howie that I've had to work late the past couple nights, but really, I've just been hiding out in Howie's playhouse. Does that make me awful?
Penny: Awful? No. Uh, strange? Yes. Sad? A little, yes.

Leonard: Well, l-look, I only have enough money to fund one request, but your project is definitely in the running.
Doctor Lee: Okay, but, uh, when do you think you might make a decision? Because I have to upgrade their cages before they learn how to open the locks. When I came in to my lab this morning, they suddenly got silent. I think they're planning something.

Leonard: I'm not just giving it to my friend, Barry. Your proposal is also in the mix.
Howard: Wait, so those are the three? You're not even considering mine? Why, because they're PhDs and I'm just an engineer?
Leonard: No, because they wrote detailed proposals, and you sent a YouTube clip of the guy from Jerry Maguire saying, "Show me the money!"