The Precious Fragmentation

The Precious Fragmentation is the seventeenth episode of the third season of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. It aired on March 8th 2010.

Summary
On the way to buy Chinese food, the guys see someone that looks like Adam West and follow him to a garage sale, where they buy a box of merchandise for 60 dollars. They ignore Penny's anger and sassy comments about not getting food, and among other things they find a 'Lord of the Rings' ring. Later at the Cheesecake Factory, Howard informs them it is not a piece of merchandise, but an actual prop from the movie that was stolen. They value it at $10000-15000 and start to argue. Sheldon declares it is his, as he found it in the box, Raj wants to buy a jet ski with the money and Leonard wants to return it to Peter Jackson (Howard's motives are not revealed). Until they decide, they allow Penny to hold onto it. Later, Sheldon tries to take it while Penny and Leonard are sleeping, but she is startled and punches him in the face.

Later on, Koothrappali has his lawyer cousin join them via laptop and bargains for jet ski's. They disagree and all grab the ring, then decide the last to hold on will get it. Back home, they are picking up keys when Penny arrives. After telling them she has a bag from Victoria's Secret, Leonard says, 'I'm out,' and goes after Penny. The three remaining guys try to goad each other to get angry and let go. Sheldon wakes up to see the other two let go, and runs to clean it. He looks in the mirror and sees he is Gollum, but then wakes from his dream. None of them are holding it, but Leonard tells them he shipped it back to Peter Jackson's office in New Zealand. They are angry because he opted out, but he says it couldn't have ended well, as the winner would not be liked by any of the others. However, it turns out Leonard kept it and hid it under his bed and the others did not know except for Sheldon, who wanted the ring for himself so he did not say a word. Sheldon sneaks in again and tries to take it, but it turns into a fight, and Penny leaves while claiming she should have stuck with dumb guys from the gym.



Trivia
Quotes
 * Sheldon wears the Red Lantern shirt from the Green Lantern comic book series after getting hit by Penny. The Red Lanterns embody the emotion of anger, no doubt reflecting Sheldon's mood.
 * Sheldon mentions his mother having a mild Dr. Pepper addiction in this episode, but she drank a Pepsi and said Howard would have a coke or cola at her house in The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation (depending on the DVD or TV version, respectively).
 * Sheldon refers to the language of Mordor, "pure" Black Speech, written in Elvish script, Fëanorian/Tengwar.
 * Leonard ends up being the custodian of the ring. This is particularly interesting due to him dressing as Frodo Baggins in the episode The Middle Earth Paradigm.

Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?

Sheldon: Well it's very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists, with nothing to lose, I am the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one and Koothrappali is the loveable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.

Leonard: One more floor, and I'd be the pulled muscle.

[Howard tells everyone what he's learned about the Ring from his mysterious buddy.]

Raj: Who's this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?

Howard: Just a guy. I...know a guy.

Raj: Is it Eddie Krispo?

Howard: I can't tell you who it is. Stop asking.

Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Krispo.

Howard: I know lots of dangerous people!

Raj: Name one.

Howard: (embarrassed) Eddie Krispo.

Sheldon: (opening a ring box and taking a ring on a chain out) Fascinating. It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.

Raj: Ooh, it's even got the Elvish engraving on it.

Sheldon: It's not Elvish. It's the language of Mordor, written in Elvish script. (reciting the translation for the inscription) One ring to rule them all.

Raj: One ring to find them

Howard: One ring to bring them all

Leonard: And in the Darkness, bind them.

(short pause)

Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy?

(Leonard has quit the game and the other three are still holding the ring.)

Howard (on the phone): I'm sorry Ma, I have to, stay late at the office.

Raj: NO HE DOESN'T! HE'S LYING TO YOU!

Howard: Will you be quiet?!

Raj: Well if you want privacy, let go of the ring. I'M SO GLAD WE CAME TO THIS GENTILE STRIP CLUB! HOWARD, HERE'S SOME MORE BACON TO TUCK INTO THE SHIKSA'S G-STRING!

Howard (on the phone): I'll call you back.

Raj: I think it's lovely of you to call your Mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breastfeed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her, boobies.

Howard: Don't you talk about my Mother's boobies.

Raj: Well if you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your Mother's boobies.

Sheldon: Excellent, excellent, tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don't you go after Raj's Mother.

Raj: Why don't we go after your Mother?

Sheldon: Go Ahead. I have no allusions about my Mother, she is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan, with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you'd like to add?

Howard: Uh, that's not gonna get you anywhere. Better pull out the big gun.

Raj: You're right. Let's talk about your Grandmother.

Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.

Raj: Think about this, the only way your Mother was born, was your Memaw had sex.

Sheldon: I don't wanna hear this.

Howard: Then let go of the ring, and walk away.

Sheldon: Never!

Howard: Alright, I bet that your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your Mother, I bet she had sex, because she liked it.

Sheldon: Stop it!

Raj: Ha! Meemaw did the nasty!

Sheldon: I SAID STOP IT!

(Howard and Raj laugh.)

Howard: We're getting to him!

Sheldon: Waterfalls!

Raj: What?!

Sheldon: Waterfalls! Crashing Waves! Babbling Brooks!

Howard: What are you doing?

Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets, leaky gutter.... peeing.

Raj: Listen, it's not working dude.

Sheldon: Ha Oh! It's working alright. I have to pee.

Raj: Then let go of the ring and go.

Howard: Well actually, I wouldn't mind going too.

Raj: Fine, um, on the count to three. One, Two...

Sheldon: Eh, wait just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up...or do we pee?

Howard: We stand up!

Sheldon: Excellent choice.

Raj: Three!

(The guys stand up to go to the toilet.)

Howard: (Sigh) Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.

(Howard, Raj and Sheldon are asleep on the couch. Howard has let go of the ring and Raj has just let go of it too and has started to sleep on him. Sheldon wakes up and sees he still has the ring. Howard and Raj then wake up to hear Sheldon yelling out victoriously.)

Sheldon: I've done it! I've Won! The ring is mine! IT'S MINE!

(Sheldon runs into the bathroom, closes the door and turns on the tap in the sink to start washing the ring.)

Sheldon: We're going to clean it up, and make it pretty. My own, my love, (in Gollum voice) MY PRECIOUS!

(Sheldon looks in the mirror to see that he has become Gollum.)

Sheldon: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Sheldon wakes up from his dream.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Sheldon is sneaking into Leonard's room to take the "One Ring" prop.)

Sheldon: I knew It.

(He is almost successful until Leonard grabs his arm.)

Sheldon: Give us the Precious!

Leonard: NEVER!

Leonard and Sheldon: Gimmie! Never! Gimmie! It's MINE! Never! Gimme! It's MINE! Gimmie! It's mine! It's MINE! Gimmie! Gimmie!....

(The two of them fight and annoy Penny.)

Penny: (Sigh), I gotta to go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.

Leonard and Sheldon: Gimmie! Gimmie! IT'S MINE!!....(The two continue fighting.)