The Anxiety Optimization

"The Anxiety Optimization" is the thirteenth episode of the eighth season of the sitcom The Big Bang Theory.

Summary
Sheldon wants to increase his anxiety level to improve his work performance. Howard starts guessing whether Raj's random comments are about Emily or his dog.

Extended Plot
Leonard and Penny are heading out for a date when Sheldon asks them for help testing his new noise canceling headphones. Leonard first asks him if he can hear him and then that he hasn't change the water pitcher filter in two years. Penny tells him that Bernadette nickname for him is the "virgin pina colada". Leonard admits that Sheldon's George Lucas autograph was made by him. Penny admits to having used Sheldon's toothbrush. As Leonard starts to say that while he was asleep one time Amy took off her...finishing with and that's why you're the best roommate ever as Sheldon takes off his headphones. Sheldon is working on a dark matter theory that doesn't make protons decay. He has been optimizing his work environment to make himself more efficient. His tea is the right sipping temperature; he is wearing fuzzy boxer shorts and has the "Hang in there" kitty poster with Richard Fenyman's picture on it. He works on it all night keep repeating the words "Proton Decay" over and over while wearing his noise cancelling headphones. Leonard returns and scares him when he touches his shoulder and asks him how he was doing. Sheldon runs off. Penny comments that she likes him, but if he is broken she doesn't want to get another one.

The next day Leonard comes into the living area and finds Sheldon in his spot wearing his pajamas. Sheldon is not going to work and can Leonard guess why? Leonard tells him cause he spent all night working on proton decay and he accomplished nothing and is wondering if he made a mistake deciding to study dark matter. So Sheldon is going to stay home and sulk all day. Sheldon adds that he's going to do it like a big old baby. Leonard tells jim to call him if he needs something and leaves. Sheldon thinks that he has been in the apartment too long and needs some fresh air. He steps into the hallway and takes a deep breath. He hears groaning coming from Penny's apartment, does his knock and then enters without an invitation. Penny is exercising doing a strenuous routine she hates which makes her work harder at it. Sheldon mistakenly thinks she was being murder or having spontaneous coitus with Leonard. Sheldon asks her to guess why he is staying home. She syas that he spent all night working and he accomplished nothing so he is going to stay home to pout about it. Sheldon comments that he is not as mysterious as he thought he was.

Leonard, Raj and Howard are eating at the cafeteria. Howard says he has invented  a new game: Emily or Cinnamon. People have to guess whether quotes that Howard has heard  Raj say are about Emily or Cinnamon. Raj insists that he can't be embarrassed since both of them love him. First quote: I want you to know that the bed seems so lonely without you in it. Cinnamon. Second quote: Check it out, I got us matching sweater. Cinnamon. Leonard saw the Christmas card photo. Raj says that a man can care about a girl and his dog, it's not strange. Leonard heard him say that to Emily. Sheldon arrives and explains that after talking to Penny. She is working harder to stay attractive in her relationship than she is. Leonard pushes his cake away from his place. Also Sheldon thinks that he has created too pleasant an environment to work in. To maximize performance he must create a state of productive anxiety. He wants the guys to go out of their way to make his life miserable which they are glad to do.

Sheldon is in Amy's lab wearing a cap with sensors on it and taking a test to set a baseline for his work performance. Since he finished a maze, he wants a treat like a mouse would have been rewarded with. Amy reminds him that his brain would also have been removed with tweezers. To check his problem solving rate, Amy starts to make noises rubbing the outside of a balloon. Sheldon gets annoyed and pops the balloon. Sheldon was aiming for her heart. She needs to irriate him to find his optimal anxiety zone. Sheldon vetoed tickling, polka music and watching Amy eat a banana. She eats its sideways because that's the way a good girl does it according to her mother. Amy explains that he is a great scientist who needs to be patient until he makes his scientific breakthrough. Also if he only does solid research, what does it matter? Sheldon feels that she is insulting him which drives his anxiety level up. This result makes him happy which drive the level down. Frustrated his level goes up again starting an anxiety cycle that he continues.

In apartment 4A Raj wants to know which board game they want to play. Howard wants to play Emily or Cinnamon. First quote: You're so lucky. You have the shiniest hair. Leonard can't figure it out as Sheldon enters the door. Sheldon wants them to challenge everything he says. Howard doesn't think that it will help. Sheldon wants to keep his brain active. Leonard doesn't think it will work either. They keep arguing with him driving Sheldon into his room though he does come back and thanks them for their efforts.

Penny and the girls are visiting and talking about a Hawaii trip the Zangen sales rep with the best quarterly sales can win. Amy thinks that that would be romantic though she hasn't seen Leonard on the beach with his metal detector. Amy would rather visit the Mauna Kea astronomical observatory. Sheldon wants to increase his anxiety level by spending an evening listening to tasteless uncensored crotch talk. Like when Amy first had girl talk with Penny and Bernadette, Sheldon thinks all they talk about is their body parts and menstrual problems. Penny insists that they talk about the same topics the guys do. Whether weerwolves can swim, asks Sheldon. The girls actually submit their opinions on the topic. Sheldon found that fun and want to do it again when they a e not PMS-ing.

Leonard wakes up at night to find Sheldon is listening to loud noises while wearing his sensor cap. He is listening to Godzilla's roar, the Joker's laugh and Darth Vader to keep him in the anxiety sweet spot. He tried adding Taylor Swift to the noises, but it turns out that he loves her music. Leonard gets Sheldon to switch to his headphones.

On Shamy's date night, Sheldon is still pursuing his obsession which really bothers Amy. He says he can do two things at once, but his responses to her attempts at conversation show clearly he doesn't hear her. Amy is worried about him because he hasn't been sleeping or eating and the cap is starting to smell.

Leonard, Penny, Bernadette and Howard are in having dinner and playing Emily or Cinnamon as couples. The score is one for each and Penny is the tie breaker. Quote: It's just so perfect that we're both Libras. Penny goes with Cinnamon which makes Raj upset as he hears them coming into the door. He feels that if she ever fines out it would hurt her feelings. "Emily's feeling?" pipes up Bernadette. Sheldon has been drinking Red Bull and chasing squirrels around the campus to keep working and awake. Bernadette wonders if they should make him stop, though Howard saw that he'd made some progress. Raj observes that it would change the way we view the universe. Now back to Emily or Cinnamon. Next quote: Such a little girl eats such a big steak.

Back at Amy's, she demand that Sheldon take the cap off. Sheldon appreciates the nagging which helps his anxiety level. Amy tells him that agreed to not bring their work to date night. She wants him to take off the cap and put away the notebook even though he is making his most progress in months. Amy doesn't want him to drive himself crazy. Sheldon claims that Newton worked while thinking that he was an armadillo. Amy says that that is not true, though Sheldon claims that has been hallucinating lately. Amy then demands that he take off the cap. Sheldon stops and then asks what she is going to do if he doesn't. Amy kicks him out of her apartment On the bus ride back, Sheldon hallucinates that he is talking to an armadillo named Isaac Newton.

Finally Penny and Leonard walk Sheldon to his bedroom though he doesn't see the "President of Science". They get him to lie down in bed though Sheldon tells them that he is not going to sleep. He refuses to go to sleep and tells them that they can't make him sleep. Sheldon is already to make another Richard Feynman poster when Penny starts to sing Soft Kitty to him and Leonard joins in. He finally goes to sleep. Sheldon is so peaceful that they once again kid themselves that they could easily use his pillow to smother him.

At the Caltech cafeteria, Sheldon has recovered and is making progress without his anxiety workout. Raj and Emily approaches the gang to join them for lunch. Emily mentions the game they have been playing that involves her. They make think it's funny that Raj is sweet and sensitive, however she finds it sexy and she kisses him. Afterwards she finds dog hair in his mouth.

Critics
To be entered.

Trivia

 * First episode of 2015.
 * Emily only appears in one scene in this episode.
 * In this episode, Leonard wears a shirt that bears strong resemblance to the rug from "The Big Lebowski", which co-starred John Goodman; Johnny Galecki's father-in-law on "Roseanne".
 * Amy eats a banana sideways because her mother said that that is the way a nice girl eats one.
 * First time Emily is seen at Caltech. Raj has not yet visited Emily's work though Penny has.
 * First episode Soft Kitty is sung through without an interruption or the scene ending before it is finished.
 * First time Leonard has sung Soft Kitty to Sheldon.
 * First time Penny has sung Soft Kitty to Sheldon since "The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification" (S4E2).
 * Leonard previously joked about smothering Sheldon in his sleep in "The Spaghetti Catalyst" (S3E20).
 * Out of Sheldon's hearing, Penny admits that she used his toothbrush, an act that he said would cause him to jump out the window per season one's " The Dumpling Paradox".

Quotes
To be entered.