The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition is the tenth episode of the fifth season of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. It airs on November 17th, 2011.

Summary
Sheldon considers taking his relationship with Amy to the next level when Stuart from the comic book store asks her out on a date. She does go on the date, and Sheldon appears to be jealous. At the movies, Sheldon and Amy talk, and Amy agrees to be his girlfriend. At Amy's apartment, Sheldon (obviously) is waiting with some "legal" relationship papers.

Full Summary
The episode started at the comic book store. Howard told Leonard and Raj how it is amazing how people go to comic book stores instead of downloading comics digitally. Leonard said that it is probably for the best since the weekly trip to the comic book store is the only chance for mothers to change their bed sheets. Howard replied that he is getting new sheets tonight and rejoiced at it. Meanwhile at another corner, Sheldon asked Amy on her thoughts about the new comic book night. Amy did not appear very enthusiastic. Sheldon said it is magical, so Amy said that she is disappointed since although a brilliant man like Sheldon is entitled to his own vice, she could entertain something like him going to opium bars or hunting his fellow man for sports not comic books. She called comic books "lame-o". Sheldon retorted with two points, the first being how comic books tell stories through sequential arts which goes back to 17,000 years ago with cave paintings, and the second being how Amy plays the harp, like that is cool. Stuart approached them and asked Amy if she needs any help. Amy wanted a comic book that depicts a woman whose bosoms cannot be used as floatation device. Stuart apologized and told her most guys coming there like big bosoms and a couple of them have big bosoms themselves.

Back to the other guys. Raj walked over to Leonard and Howard while holding a small box. He told them that the new Mystic Warlords of Ka'a expansion pack is out. Howard expressed his disbelief on the matter and said that they just keep making more cheesy monsters, slapped them on cards, and sell them for $25 per pack. It was like a secret tax for guys who cannot get laid. Raj said that they are not even trying and mentioned the Satanimals pack with Helliphants card. He said it was absurd and wondered whether a bad elephant died and got sent to hell. He wondered what an elephant could have done to suffer from eternal damnation. Howard looked at the box and it read Wild West and Witches.He commented with what kind of loser would care about a showdown between Billy the Kid and the White Wizard of the North. Raj answered total loser and said it was obvious that Billy the Kid would win over an old man with a wand. Leonard interrupted and said but what if the wizard casts the Helmet of Confusion spell on Billy the Kid's cowboy hat. Howard reminded them that they are talking about Billy the Kid and that the wizard would be shot between the eyes faster that he can ask what is Billy the Kid doing in the mystic realm of Ka'a.

Stuart came up to them and asked Leonard about Amy and whether she and Sheldon are a couple. Leonard answered that they are a couple of weirdos. Howard asked Stuart if he is interested in Amy. Stuart said that Amy did not look at him with soul-sucking, ball-shrivelling hatred and contempt, and he likes that in a woman. He asked Leonard to check in with Sheldon whether he would be okay with Stuart asking Amy out. Leonard agreed to do that. Raj then asked Stuart on who would win in a battle between Billy the Kid and the White Wizard of the North. Stuart said that if he answers, he will be robbing off the fun from the guys to discover it for themselves at merely $24.95 per pack. Raj immediately answered that he will take one, and then Howard said he wants one too, Leonard told them that he hates all of them and himself and told Stuart to make it three. Stuart said he will go and pack up the items for the guys and quietly told himself it is like shooting nerds in a barrel as he walked towards the cash register.

At Sheldon and Leonard's apartment after the comic book store trip, Leonard asked Sheldon whether he can talk to him about something awkward. Sheldon replied with he already knows what this is about and answered that since Leonard has been facing a standstill at work, he is considering whether he should abandon his research and focus on teaching. Sheldon answered with a big yes. He suggested Leonard to consider changing his discipline into the humanities or history. He added that one of the perks of teaching history is he does not have to create things, he just need to memorize facts and tell them back, so he can have fun with that. Leonard said no and told Sheldon that Stuart is interested in Amy. Sheldon interrupted that of course Amy is interesting and told Leonard that at the age of 14, Amy severed the webbing between her own toes. Leonard ignored that and said that Stuart wants to know if Sheldon is fine with him asking Amy out. Sheldon replied that he is not sure how to respond, since he does not own Amy, and you cannot own a person. He went back to the history topic and tested Leonard on historical facts about how President Lincoln freed the slaves in 1863. Irritated, Leonard did not play along and told Sheldon he will just tell Stuart it is okay to ask Amy out. Sheldon told Leonard that his question is moot since there is no way that a noted neurobiologist such as Amy would find an impoverished paddler of picture books such as Stuart appealing. He mentioned again how Amy performed surgery on her own feet by just using nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anaesthesia, Leonard said alright and just for the record, he did check out on Sheldon's respond regarding the matter. Sheldon said he is fine with it and brought back up the issue of what to do with a washed-up experimental physicist. Leonard told him he is not washed-up but Sheldon dismissed the matter by saying that a lot of people love Leonard and would like to help him but they cannot, until Leonard admits to the problem first.

Meanwhile, at Penny's apartment, the girls are hanging out. Penny told them that they have killed the bottle. Amy said that she only had half a glass and Bernadette said she did not have any. Penny told them to not judge her and asked them what they want to do, and suggested going to the movies, go dancing, or lay down for a little bit and cleared her throat. Amy suggested they play Travel Twister. Bernadette said she is not sure of that so Amy told them that she has spent many evenings enjoying this game and that she is sure that the game is more exciting if played with other people. Amy added that they can play shirts and skins and that she will be shirts. Sudenly, her phone buzzed so she walked to the couch to check her message. As she did that, Bernadette told Penny that she is too small to play twister, go on the roller coaster, or sit with her feet touching the ground. She said that she hoped her mother enjoyed those pre-natal cigarettes. Penny dismissed her by saying her mother smoked pots while carrying her but she turned out just fine. Just then her eyes laid down on top of her refrigerator and she rejoiced that she has a peach schnapps and went over to get it.

Amy looked at her phone and said something happened and she thinks a boy likes her. Bernadette came over to the couch and read the text Amy received from Stuart asking her out for a coffee sometime. Penny smiled and told Amy that underneath all the layers of wool and polyester, Amy is a vixen. Amy looked flattered but Bernadette asked what Amy will do about it and whether Stuart knows that Amy has a boyfriend. Penny interrupted and said that Amy does not have a boyfriend but she has a Sheldon. She asked whether Amy likes Stuart. Amy said she does not know but noted that Stuart is nice and funny, and has an indication of overactive thyroid so that is hot. Penny suggested that they all love Sheldon, but Amy has been with him for over a year now and if it is not going anywhere, it would not hurt for her to look around. Bernadette added that Penny is right since Sheldon and Amy are not engaged like her and Howard. Penny told Bernadette that even engaged people can look around too since there are lots of options out there.

At the comic book store, Sheldon and Leonard entered to find someone else at the counter. Sheldon asked the guy where Stuart is so he said Stuart is out. Sheldon asked again who the guy is and he answered he is Dale and Stuart left him in charge. Leonard wondered about it and Dale said he does not get it either. Leonard approached Dale and told him he would like to return his Wild West and Witches expansion pack. Dale said he does not do returns since they are so hard. Leonard said sure and asked him when Stuart will be back. Dale said he does not know and told that Stuart is out for coffee with a girl, Sheldon suddenly said out loud that he is wrong. Leonard asked him if he is okay and Sheldon looked at Leonard and repeated the question. He told Leonard that he is on a lifelong trajectory that could get him a Nobel Prize and cities named after him. He also added that all four of his wisdom teeth do not need extraction and his bowel movements are orderly. He repeated again Leonard's question to dismiss the notion behind it but looked quite unsure of himself. Dale suddenly interrupted and said he is okay too and laughed.

At Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, the guys are playing the Wild West and Witches expansion pack. Sheldon was wearing a white cowboy's hat, boots and spurs. He played the flaming spittoon card and spat into a spittoon afterwards. He expressed his disappointment that neither of the guys dressed up according to the theme of the card like he did, since this is the first time they are playing the game. Howard told him they are not wearing cowboy's hats and the guys agreed Sheldon looked ridiculous now, just as he did look ridiculous the time they played with the Satanimals pack and Sheldon dressed up as the Beelzebobcat. Sheldon told them to continue playing. Leonard said to go easy on Sheldon since Amy is out with Stuart. Howard expressed his mock disbelief that Sheldon's condescension and no sex could not hold on to a woman. Raj laughed at that. Sheldon asked whether they are women at a sewing bee or men playing a fantasy card game set in a mystical land. Howard apologized and they continued the game. After Leonard played the Hocus Pocus Pocahontas card, Sheldon suddenly commented that the three of them are the ones obsessed on Amy and Stuart, so they should ask themselves who is really being ridiculous, and stood up and walked to the refrigerator. They replied in unison that it is still Sheldon.

The next day, at the university's cafetaria, Raj entered carrying a tin of the deluxe set of Wild West and Witches, which has been signed and numbered and comes in a tin. Leonard complained that they just bought the regular one. Howard got excited to find a sheriff's badge which Raj revealed can double as a wand. Leonard took the wand and asked Sheldon if he is seeing this but Sheldon was on his laptop. Leonard peeked at the screen and wondered if Sheldon did really friend Stuart on Facebook. Howard said he thought Sheldon does not like Facebook anymore but Sheldon said he is a fan of anything that replaces human interaction. Raj inferred that Sheldon is just checking out on how Stuart's date with Amy went. Sheldon looked at Stuart's status and said that he does not care if someone shared a pumpkin latte with a dyamite lady. Raj said he is so full of it. Sheldon told him he can believe whatever he wants and pressed a key on his laptop and announced that he has unfriended Raj. Leonard told Sheldon to just acknowledge his feelings for Amy and that he does not want her going out with other men, so Sheldon unfriended Leonard too. Howard suggested Sheldon to go old-school and challenge Stuart to a fight, since girls like that stuff, so Sheldon unfriended Howard. Leonard said that since Sheldon has now unfriended all of the them, he needs to use the laptop since he wants to buy that collectors tin.

Meanwhile, at Penny's apartment, Sheldon knocked on Penny's door but before he could call out her name, she called from inside "Who do we love?", so there was the usual triple exchanges of knocking and calling of Penny's name, with a chant of "Who do we love?" from Penny before she finally opened the door and let him in. She asked him what is the matter so he said he wanted to ask her out on a date. Penny appeared shock. Sheldon repeated his question and added that they can go for dinner, dancing, and maybe taking in a priced fight. Penny replied with Sheldon is trying to make Amy jealous. Sheldon denied it and wondered why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart and whether or not they are having more pumpkin lattes or having intercourse tonight. Penny told him to listen to her that playing games is not going to help him win Amy back. Sheldon said that he is not trying to win Amy back, looked down and quickly added that just out of his curiosity, what is a way to get her back. So Penny told him a story about a guy she liked but she never told him how she felt and he started going out with someone else. She has come to regret it ever since. Penny asked whether Sheldon followed what she is trying to say and he said yes and that the guy is him. Penny said no, so he asked again if she is sure since that would explain why she is constantly at his apartment and her baffling dalliance with Leonard just so she could be near him. He also mentioned how she calls him sweetie all the time. Penny said she calls everyone sweetie so Sheldon called her a tramp. Penny ignored him and told him to strap on a pair and go talk to Amy. Sheldon did not get it and wondered if she was suggesting he straps on a pair of skates. Penny called him sweetie and told him he is so not the guy.

Meanwhile, Amy and Stuart are at the movies. Stuart told Amy she can just go back if she is bored but she said she is having a nice time. Stuart laughed and told her to not patronize him. Sheldon suddenly barged into the row they were sitting in, greeted Stuart and sat next to Amy. Puzzled, she asked him what he is doing there. Sheldon told her that the thought of her sitting in a darkened theatre with someone like Stuart is repellant. He added no offense to Stuart. Stuart said none taken but noted that repellant is a strong word. Amy apologized to Sheldon if this is making him uncomfortable but given the current status of their relationship, she can be in any repellant situation she wants. Stuart began to interrupt but Sheldon told him he is being rude so he went back to being quiet. Amy asked Sheldon if there is anything else so he told her he wanted to change the paradigm of their relationship. Amy told him she is listening. Sheldon began by reminding her that nothing will change in terms of physical or otherwise. He said that he would no longer object if they call Amy as his girlfriend. Amy said it is interesting but told him to try again without the negative quadruple. Sheldon told her she is being impossible so she slid over to Stuart and said "Hi, Stuart", prompting Sheldon to say fine and asked her directly if she will be his girlfriend. Amy said yes and Sheldon noted that as enough and immediately stood up. He told them to enjoy their date and gave Stuart a dollar for his trouble and told him to get himself a snack. Amy smiled at Stuart.

Later, after the date, Stuart and Amy walked toward her apartment. Stuart said that other than the fact that Amy has just upgraded her relationship with another guy, the date was nice. Amy thanked him for walking her to her door. Suddenly, Sheldon triple-knocked on Amy's door from the inside and called for her. She opened the door and Sheldon told them to wrap things up out there and closed the door. Amy and Stuart said goodnight to each other and hugged. Immediately, Sheldon yelled from the inside for Stuart to take the hint since Amy has already said goodnight so he left. Amy entered her apartment and asked Sheldon how he got in there. Sheldon asked back whether that will be the kind of nagging he can expect now that she is his girlfriend. He said that it is a good thing he drew this up and took out from his bag a Relatioship Agreement. He informed her that it has 31 pages of all the rights and responsibilities of him as the boyfriend and her as the girlfriend. Amy said that it is so romantic and he agreed. He told her to go through the agreement as he sets up his notary stamps. Amy read out Section 5 regarding hand-holding. The agreeement stated that hand-holding is prohibited unless either party is about to fall off of a cliff, a precipice, or a ledge, as a hearty handshake after winning the Nobel Prize, or as moral support during flu shots. Amy complained that it is rather restrictive so Sheldon told her she could get a lawyer if she wants.

At Penny's apartment, the three girls are playing twister. Amy reminded Penny that her right hand has to be on the red spot. Penny said yes but drank a glass of red wine instead. Amy spinned and told Bernadette to put her foot on the yellow spot. Bernadette could not reach the spot and told them to play Limbo next and added that no one beats her at Limbo. There was a triple knock on the door followed by Sheldon calling for Penny, Amy, and Bernadette. Amy told the girls that is her boyfriend and told Sheldon that the door is open. Sheldon entered and told Amy that he got a splinter on his index finger. Amy stood up and asked Sheldon what he wants her to do about it. Sheldon said that as per the Relationship Agreement, under the section Boo-Boos and Ouchies, this is her responsibility. Amy told herself that she should have gotten a lawyer and went over to look at Sheldon's finger. Bernadette told Amy that now only the two of them are playing but Penny has dozed off and snoring on the Twister mat, with her legs tangled up with Bernadette's. Bernadette tried to wake her up but she did not budge. She finally told Penny that they are out of wine and Penny immediately sat up and told her to drive.

Title Reference
The title comes from one of the card in the Wild West and Witches expansion pack from the Mystic Warlords of Ka'a the guys are playing, the Flaming Spittoon card. It was a card played by Sheldon, who, enthusiastic with the inaugural card game, wore a white cowboy's hat, a pair of boots and spurs, and even spat into the spittoon to symbolize the card.

Quotes
Amy: I think a boy likes me!

Bernadette: Doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?

Penny: She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon.

Sheldon: ''A date! You and me.''

Penny: I'm sorry, what?

Sheldon: You call me sweetie all the time.

Penny: I call everyone sweetie.

Sheldon: You tramp!

Leonard: ''Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward.''

Sheldon: ''I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching. (pauses) Yes! And if I may suggest, consider changing discipline, to the humanities or perhaps history. One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know, you just have to remember stuffs that happened and then parrot it back. You can have fun with that.''

Leonard: ''Yeah, that's not it! Stuart's kind of interested in Amy.''

Sheldon:'' Well of course he is. She's very interesting. Did you know, when she was 14, she severed the webbing between her own toes?''

Leonard: No! He wanted me to find out if you'd have a problem with him asking her out.

Sheldon: ''I'm not sure how to respond, Leonard. I don't own Amy. You can't own a person, at least not since?''

(Leonard stares at him)

''Sheldon: 1863. When President Lincoln freed the?''

(Leonard looks fed up)

Sheldon:'' Slaves. Come on, Leonard. If you're gonna teach history, these are the kind of facts you'll have to know.''

Leonard: ''You know what, never mind. I'm gonna tell him it's okay to ask her out.''

Sheldon: ''The question is moot. There is no way that Stuart, an impoverished paddler of picture-books, would be at all appealing to Amy Farrah Fowler, a noted neurobiologist, capable of performing surgery on her own feet, with nothing but nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anaesthesia.''

Leonard:'' Alright. For the record, I checked in with you to see how you'd feel about it.''

Sheldon:'' Fine! The record shows no reflect. Now, getting back to the problem at hand; what to do with a washed-up experimental physicist?''

-- Raj: Please, you're looking at Facebook to find out how their date went.

''Sheldon: Really? You think I care if a man, what, shared a pumpkin latte with a dynamite lady?''

Raj: You're so full of it.

''Sheldon: You are free to believe whatever you like. And unfriend Rajesh Koothrappali!''

''Raj: You unfriended me? Seriously?''

Howard: Oh, yeah, now he's gonna miss all those great updates like "I can't believe I waited this long to make my own potpourri".

Leonard: Sheldon, why don't you just acknowledge you have feelings for Amy and you don't want her going out with other men?

Sheldon: And unfriend Leonard Hofstadter!

''Howard: Here's a radical thought. Go old school. Challenge Stuart to a fight. Ain't nothing makes the ladies hotter than two skinny white guys swanning at each other with their eyes closed.''

Sheldon: And unfriend Howard Wolowitz!

-- Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times

Penny: Who do we love?

Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)

Penny: Who do we love?

''Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)''

Penny: Who do we love?

Sheldon: Penny.

-- Penny: Oh god, are you trying to make Amy jealous?

Sheldon: No! Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart, and whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercouse tonight?

Penny: Ok, listen to me, playing games is not gonna help get Amy back.

''Sheldon: I'm not trying to get her back! But out of curiosity, what is a way?''

-- Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here?

''Sheldon: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theatre with a character like Stuart is repellant. No offense Stuart!''

''Stuart: None taken. Though, repellant, is kind of, kind of a strong word.''

''Amy: Um... sorry this causes you discomfort but based on the currently established parameters of our relationship, I can put myself in any repellant situation I want.''

Stuart: Um...

Sheldon: Stuart please, you're being rude.

Amy: Anything else?

Sheldon: I believe, I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.

Amy: I'm listening.

''Sheldon: With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.''

''Amy: Interesting... Now try it without the quadruple negative.''

Sheldon: You're being impossible!

Amy: (at Stuart) Hi, Stuart.

''Sheldon: Fine! Amy, will you be my girlfriend?''

Amy: Yes!

''Sheldon: Alright, that's enough about it. Sorry to interrupt. You two enjoy your date!''

-- Stuart: So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice!

Amy: Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.

Stuart: Oh, you're welcome.

''Sheldon: (triple knock) Amy! (triple knock) Amy! (triple knock) Amy!''

(Amy opens the door)

Sheldon: Let's wrap things up out there!

(Sheldon closes the door)

''Amy: Umm... Good night Stuart!''

Stuart: Good night!

(They hug)

Sheldon: Take a hint Stuart, the lady said good night!

 Amy: How did you get into my apartment?

''Sheldon: Wow! Is that the kind of nagging I can expect now that you're my girlfriend?''

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Trivia

 * In the promo, Sheldon is shown to be quite jealous, a big emotional reaction that is unlike him, showing he does care for Amy.
 * Stuart seeks Leonard's help to see Sheldon's reaction regarding his intention of asking Amy out, instead of asking Sheldon himself.
 * Sheldon now has the Roommate Agreement and the Relationship Agreeement.
 * Penny is showing signs of alcoholism, by finishing almost an entire bottle in the beginning of the episode, then progressing towards the peach schnapps and at the end, red wine.
 * Bernadette could not go on the roller coaster or have her feet touch the ground when sitting on a chair due to her height. She blames her mother's pre-natal smoking for this.
 * The character Dale is introduced in this episode.
 * Amy thinks comic books are "lame-o".
 * Penny thinks it is okay for engaged people to still look around for other people.
 * Amy used to play Travel Twister alone.
 * The two expansion packs to the Mystic Warlords of Ka'a mentioned in this episdoe is the Wild West and Witches and the Satanimals.
 * Leonard's shock at Sheldon friending Stuart on Facebook indicates that none of them added Stuart as their friend on their Facebook.
 * Sheldon has access into Amy's apartment, without her knowledge.
 * There are 31 pages in Sheldon and Amy's relationship agreement.