The White Asparagus Triangulation

The White Asparagus Triangulation is the ninth episode of second season of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. It aired on November 24th, 2008.

Plot Summary
Leonard believes that Sheldon will wreck his relationship with Stephanie like he did with his previous relationships, to prevent this Leonard decides to take matters into his own hands.

Extended Plot
Sheldon is concerned that Stephanie is the only girl Leonard has dated that he "finds tolerable". He tries to force himself into conversations with "urban slang" to "help" Leonard in the relationship with Stephanie, as "history suggests he will fail". Leonard attempts to get away from Sheldon by going to the movies with Stephanie, but Sheldon is able to follow them despite Leonard only leaving a note.

After believing that Leonard is losing Stephanie, he runs to Penny for advice. Penny, however, is of no help, so Sheldon runs to Wolowitz and Koothrappali, but all they give is, in Sheldon's words, either "apocalyptic genocide" or "go easy on the cologne". Sheldon once again runs to Penny, but she refuses to talk. Afterwards, Sheldon attempts to prove Leonard's physical superiority to Stephanie by having him open a jar of white asparagus. However, Leonard shatters the jar by accident and has to get stitches. Wondering why Leonard can't supposedly keep a date, Sheldon remarks, "You seem like a perfectly pleasant person. I can't understand why women have such a hard time loving you."

Following the trip to the hospital, Leonard finds his Facebook status has been changed to "In a relationship". Leonard also finds the cause: Sheldon hacked his Facebook account, and Leonard therefore bans him from talking. It is then revealed that, in response, Stephanie has updated her own status to mirror Leonard's. Sheldon closes the episode by bragging "If I am permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win."

Quotes
(Leonard left for the movies with Stephanie, leaving Sheldon with a note that he was going to the movies)

Sheldon: If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you, you couldn't have done a better job.

Leonard: Oh, clearly I could have.

Sheldon: So, the only advice you got for me is "apocalyptic genocide" and "Go easy on the cologne."

(After Leonard got stitches from Stephanie)

Sheldon: You seem like a perfectly pleasant person. I can't understand why women have such a hard time loving you.

Sheldon: If I am permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win.

Stephanie: Hey! How's my big crybaby?

Leonard: I didn't cry

Stephanie: I'm just teasing you, but yeah you did.

Critics
"The Big Bang Theory is like a state-of-the-art ship being sailed in the wrong direction. The cast is strong, the writing can be excellent and is certainly creative. And yet the show’s priorities are all wrong and they are producing television which is a lot less good than it could be." - The TV Critic's Review

Chuck Lorre Productions #229
November 16, 2008

As I sit by my window and watch the leaves on the trees turn from green to brown, and from brown to fire, I can't help but reflect on the two seasons of Southern California. Inferno and flood. Soon the stinging smoke, raging wildfires, and inevitable pyromaniacs will give way to months and months of biblical rain. And with that rain will come the memories... a home perched on a hilltop becoming garbage nestled in a valley, an idiot falling into the L.A. River and trying unsuccessfully to crawl up its cement banks, another genius being lifted off the roof of his car by a helicopter in Encino, the cliffs above Pacific Coast Highway collapsing yet again and causing Malibu residents so much inconvenience, Bob Myer reassuring me that writing the second act of a Rosanne episode at two in the morning is more in my self-interest than trying to drive home and move my stuff to the second floor (but more likely becoming one of the knuckleheads standing on the roof of his car praying for a chopper). But I, as is my nature, whataya gonna do, I yam what I yam, digress. Eventually the rains will stop, the underbrush will grow, the droughts will come, the drought will linger--maybe for years, until the mountains and hillsides once again explode with "Live At Five", "Film at Eleven" hellfire, and thus continue the cycle of seasons of Southern California... if you don't count earthquakes and riots. And strikes. And award season. No insurance policy protects against the damage done by award season. Oops, I digressed again.

Trivia

 * Sheldon is right that a strawberry is not technically a fruit (derived from the ovary of a plant), but is rather an accessory fruit (derived from some tissue around the plant's ovary).
 * Sheldon attempts to invoke "Starfleet General Order 104 Section A" to relieve Leonard of his command of his own relationship with Stephanie. This section has not been clearly spelled out in a Star Trek episode, though the two sections that follow it (B and C) have.
 * Leonard's length of dates has become a geometric progression expressible as $$Y=\frac{27 \mbox{days}}{12^n}$$. When substituted in, this shows that Howard's estimation of 20 minutes was correct (22 minutes, 30 seconds).
 * Apparently Leonard frequently uses the password "Kal-El" which is Superman's real name.